[VIDEO] “Need” is one of the most overused words in the English language. We hear it constantly and casually thrown around in conversation; “I need a new pair of shoes. I need to speak to you. I really need….” [fill in the blank].
We use the word need to make the statement more emphatic, to make it irrefutable. When the word “need” is thrown in there no one can question the relevance of what we’ve just said – including ourselves. We use it as emotional blackmail to justify our choices and bully other people into doing what we want without questioning. But ultimately it ends up being incredibly disempowering. There is no strength, no decision, no choice in the middle of need. Need is 100% pure victimization. It robs us of our authority, our influence and generally being an adult.
Watch the video to see how allowing ‘need’ into your life stela your power, freedom and choice.
Another bit of toxic fallout of “need” is how it impacts our relationships; when we are needy with ourselves and with others, they are needy with us. “I need you to do this. I need you not to do that. I need this now.” And as long as both people play along it keeps everyone stuck in a cycle of emotional blackmail, insecurity, resentment and powerlessness.
Need replaces the discipline and discomfort of hard choices and difficult conversations. But when we give up those, we give away our freedom and our right to choose. In the process we also lose our claim to any successes – when we can’t own a loss we can’t own a win. When we can’t own a choice – good or bad, we can’t accept responsibility – good or bad for the outcome.
Years ago one of my first coaches said “needy is creepy”. To this day i am inclined to agree with him.
Be with somebody because you enjoy them!
Buy the shoes because your are an adult, earned the money and made the decision to.
Ask for what you want respectfully and learn how to negotiate.
These things will always leave you lit up, confident and powerful. Choice beats need any day of the week!
I hope this really helps you to ditch being needy, stop taking it from others and to step more fully into your own power.